Candace B / Sober Slothling
When I was still drinking I was a prisoner of alcohol.
I was bound so tightly by chains of mistrust, guilt, and trauma. I drank because I couldn’t bear to deal with the pain that had been brought upon me. Alcohol made me free. Or so I thought. I thought binge drinking every weekend to the point of blackout was a good time. Waking up the next morning still drunk or extremely hungover meant the night before had been awesome regardless of whether or not I remembered what happened.
In reality my body was reeling and suffering badly from the poison flowing through my veins. I would find myself suffering withdrawals aka the 3-day-long hangover. At some point during the week I would make the drive to the liquor store. I had several favorite places and those places came to know me as a regular customer. It was to the point where I wouldn’t get ID’d anymore because the store clerks knew who I was. I would often grab a 26 of flavored vodka because that was the fastest way to get alcohol into my system and a case of Twisted Teas to keep the buzz going for as long as possible.
I was so sick. My body couldn’t regulate a proper temperature, so I was either freezing or overheating. I was getting awful stomachaches because the lining of my stomach was damaged due to alcohol. I thought alcohol was my friend. It gave me something to do when I was bored. It gave me a good time and turned me into a laughing goofball at parties! My friends thought I was funny and that our drunken memories were the best!
I thought life was good, little did I know that I was horribly sick. I had this disease and it was slowly killing me. It had me gripped so tight that on September 30, 2015 I stopped breathing.
This post was first published in a (slightly) different format @ Sober Slothling
My name is Candace B, I am a 24 year old First Nations woman from Saskatoon, Saskatchewan Canada. I was removed from my substance abusing family and put into foster care as a baby. I was born with severe congenital birth defects and Fetal Alcohol Spectrum due to my mom drinking while she was pregnant with me. I was raised in a healthy home and achieved many awards for excellence in school and college. At age 17 I underwent corrective major open heart surgery. Life was never the same after that and I made many choices that led me into addiction. Now I am learning to take things one day at a time, while discovering who I am! I’m passionate about art and I am learning how to express myself through my artwork again!