“I have to find ways to communicate and connect with the energy in the world around me.”
The principal motivation for my creativity The perfect storm: introversion, observation, idealism, ADHD, complex trauma, clairvoyance, empathic sensitivity and addiction. Without creativity, I would have no way to express myself. I guess you could say I have to find ways to communicate and connect with the energy in the world around me (that thing we all struggle with at times), this is the driving force behind my creativity. (that damn human condition)
The principal motivation for my sobriety. Call me crazy but I have this strange desire to live…and to live in a way that makes me feel good. I never knew how bad I really felt until I got sober. I never understoodhow much pain and suffering I had caused others, because of my own pain and suffering. I just didn't care. I couldn't care. I couldn't feel anything—but that not caring didn't feel good. That nothingness didn't feel good. Caring feels good. Love feels good. Vulnerability and connection to everything feels good. Feeling feelings feels good. The only way I've come to understand this is through sobriety. The only way I can live a life that feels good, is to live a sober life.
My favorite qualities in a person. Playfulness, lightheartedness, authenticity, anda sense ofhumility, combined with humanity, are some of the qualities I admire the most in a person. The raw and real, paired with that gentleness that comes from not taking life so seriously. These qualities give off such a magnetic light—it's the best.
What I appreciate most about my friends. My friends are truly glorious. I really appreciate everything about them. They exude my favorite qualities (see above), and the light they give off comes straight from the heart. If I had to pick one thing I appreciate the most about my friends, it would be the unyielding and uplifting support we give to each other. The connection of love felt on so many levels.
My main fault. My inability to fully grasp the concept of analytical reality…I'm overly optimistic, idealistic, and have trouble with time management. Maintaining a sustainable focus rooted in reality…is fucking hard.
My favorite occupation. I really love being a Licensed Massage Therapist and a Creative Artist…These are my favorites. (Whoa…gratitude x100%)
My dream of happiness. My dream of happiness? A Course of Miracles. I am Manifesting my dream of happiness; As long as I continue to maintain a steady and unshakeable positive mental attitude, regardless of external circumstances, keep faith in a higher powers, and be present for synchronicities, I am living the dream of happiness.
My idea of misery. Going back to the way life was before I got sober—Mentally, spiritually, physically, emotionally, financially: The lack of self awareness, self esteem, and self care, etc. Who needs the idea of misery when misery was the only idea for so long?
My greatest regret. Trauma to others through my behaviors, actions and beliefs when I was drinking and using. Causing that apprehensive look of pain and hurt behind the eyes of someone you love. That is the greatest regret in my life…
My proudest moment. The moment I let go of everything to trust fall into a Higher Power. Of course, I sure wasn't to proud at the time. That moment of swelling pride hit me only recently (literally a couple weeks ago), and with it came a very strong feeling of humility and gratitude. I was driving home from work listening to Ambition by Wale, I started weeping and laughing… #soberaf hahaha
Other than myself, who would I like to be? I've always fancied Hobbits…I'd be a hobbit, living that shire life!
Where I would like to live. Middle Earth, but I'd settle for New Zealand in that little hobbit village. Have a rescue animal refuge, massage/art studio, help out at Weta workshop, 100% self-sustainable off the grid, grow my own food, make my own fabrics, soaps—wait, what was the question? hahaha
My favorite color. Black, Black Monochrome…
My favorite poets. My brilliant friend Karin Kula, Edgar Allen Poe, Lang Leav, Bukowski, J.M Storm
My favorite composers/musicians. G-Eazy, Kid Cudi, Alt-J, Nicholas Jaar, Trinity Schill Kill, Father John Misty, Matt Haeck, Jay- Z, Modest Mouse, Pinback, Sia. Florence and The Machine. Zbigniew Preisner
My favorite creative people. (painters/designers/photographers/etc.) Jerry Uelsman, Joey Colombo, Mark Ryden, Gareth Pugh, Alexander McQueen, Rick Owens, Jaanika Peerna, MC Escher, Eugenia Loli, Giuseppe Cristiano, Tim Walker, Heather Hansen
My hero(es). Howard Zinn, Vandana Shiva. The Obama's and Bidens, Stephen Hawking, Banksy, Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren, pretty much all Human/Civil/ LGBTQ /Women's /Environmental /Animal Rights Activists.
My favorite food and drink. PIZZA, CAKE (any kind of cake), Sushi/ Sashimi, cabbage and kale salad, sparkling water, coffee with cream and a fuckton of sugar. When I'm feeling fancy? I'll have a Shirley Temple or a Roy Rogers.
My drug of (lack of) choice when I was using. Alcohol and Klonopin reigned supreme throughout my active addiction adolescence to my bottom—crystal meth and cocaine were my DOC from early to mid 20's.
What I hate most of all. Hate. It's no good, my friends—it doesn't feel good, so I try to steer clear of those that actively promote and propagate it.
The natural talent I'd like to be gifted with. The Gift of Gab—Making small talk like only an extrovert can.
How I want to die. Skydiving, no chute—no, free falling…into a Viking Ship that's been made into a funeral pyre—archers with fire arrows seeing me off to blaze off the shores of Croatia, in all my epic sci-fi fantasy flaming glory.
My present state of mind. —still pondering the free falling Game of Thrones style pyre—
Positive optimistic outlook, with a chance of scattered focus as reckless creativity takes over for the win.
Faults for which I have the most indulgence Procrastination x Stress exhaustion = avoidance (long runs/naps) Naps…
“Your greatest life messages and your most effective ministry will come out of your deepest hurts”—Warren, 2002 p.275
"She conquered her demons and wore her scars like wings"—Atticus
"I found I could say things with colors and shapes that I couldn't say any other way--things I had no words for"—Georgia O'Keeffe
"The world can be amazing when you're slightly strange"—unknown
“If you want to view paradise, simply look around and view it, anything you want to, do it, wanna change the world? There's nothing to it"—Willy Wonka