I am 2 months into early recovery.
[As of March 19—Chris]
I was a late starter. I tried coke when I was 23 and it was off to the races! It was love at sight. My low self-esteem and social anxiety just disappeared. I was confident, I felt I had things to say, people to see and I felt desirable. What a combo! I was also living in South Beach, hanging with all the cool kids. I was COOL.
Fast forward 6 yrs…Me, alone snorting coke, nose running, miserable. It turned on me. As all drugs do eventually…So I replaced it with other drugs, even started selling them. Boy, I sure had a lot of friends during that period. LOL. And I hated everyone of them. But I felt powerful. That didn’t last long either.
After 7-8 years of this I left the Beach and went to live with my stepfather in Austin. 3 months later I met my normie spouse. The addiction was dormant for awhile…
In 2011, it resurfaced after I got laid off from my job of 11 years. Introducing the opiate family.
At this time I had a 3 year old boy. I worked around it and carried on until I was busted by my husbands family 2 years later. My son was about to turn 5. What a humbling experience that was. They didn’t understand addiction, I felt judged and ashamed.
We told my son I was going to”camp’ for a month and I went to inpatient rehab.
Now, after a relapse and fresh out of out-patient, this time feels different. I feel this a major game-changer for me. I feel like it’s re-birth of sorts. I feel PRESENT and enthusiastic about this new me. I like the person I am becoming and am hopeful for what ever the future brings. I was ambivalent about the 12 Steps and AA in general but I joined a women's group and I have something to share at every meeting. I am going to work the Steps and just take one day at a time. I am hopeful.