I was born on the Island of Oahu to a good family.
There was never any drug use or drinking. I guess you could say it was hard though, having to deal with them talking about gay people. Little jokes and derogatory terms. It was very difficult growing up being gay. I felt like I couldn't relate to any of the men and that I was out of place. I never felt that they would understand if I told them. I was sexually abused from one of my siblings from a very young age. When I was 10 years old it stopped and I realized that it wasn't right. I carried this with me into my teen years and couldn't figure out how to deal with the pain, confusion, and shame.
No self-esteem or confidence in myself I turned to drugs and alcohol to forget about the past.
Let me tell you my journey. I was a high rank in Tae-Kwon-Do and always did good in school. I really didn't have any friends because I was extremely uncomfortable around people my age. When I went into middle school I met the "skater kids" and smoked marijuana for the first time. I was 12 years old. Soon after that I was smoking regularly before, during, and after school. I dropped out of martial arts because they found out I was selling pot to a few of the kids there. I was eventually expelled from my middle school for selling knives and pot to others. At the age of 13 I tried LSD and MDMA. I then met some older gay people who got me into clubs and raves with identification cards from people who lost or just left them at the bar. This went on for 6 years. I would eventually meet a DJ that sold pills and any other type of "club drug" that would turn a profit. Being around him and noticing how much money he was making I got into the same business as he. I learned how to spin records and threw my own house parties and raves. One night I smoked crack with a girl I met and from that night on that's all I wanted to do. I was hooked. I started to steal from my friends and family and when they wanted nothing to do with me anymore I started hooking up with guys for money. I would meet them online and go to their hotel rooms. This lasted for 2 years until I went to prison for grand larceny in 2005.
Prison couldn't even keep me away from dope.
About halfway through my sentence the outside workers started bringing in marijuana, cocaine, and Xanax. The first night of me being free I walked to an old drug hole and purchased some cocaine. I successfully completed probation and parole. I really don't know how I did it. One night I had too much to drink and couldn't make it to work the next day and lost my job. Feeling terrible about myself, I went out again. I tried methamphetamine and OxyContin for the first time intravenously. I was hooked. This drug abuse lasted until I was almost 29-years-old.
On January 19, 2014 the paramedics and police were called to investigate a man passed out in his truck at a stop sign.
The engine was still running and I was slumped over in the drivers seat. The only thing holding me up was my safety belt. I was caught with a bottle of methadone and oxycodone. I also had Klonopin. My needle was in my lap, the spoon and cotton were on the center compartment, and my crack pipe was in the backseat. That day was my last use and I am now in recovery and in the drug court program.
I just picked up my 6 month chip! Life is wonderful!
All of my friends around me know the real me. They accept me for who I am and love me regardless of the terrible things I have done in my past. I met my partner in sobriety at a meeting and we have been together for 5 months. I have no regrets. I know that God will use me for something great and I have a purpose in life today. The past is exactly that. In the past. I have moved on and love myself. Today I am able to look in the mirror and like the man I see. Today I smile genuinely. I am truly blessed with a new life that God has given me. Today I am a new man and use my experience to help other addicts who are still in active addiction. Thanks be to God for without my higher power I would not be here telling you my story...